Every Wednesday, as Jonah allows, I like to try and write down a prayer for him in a prayer journal. Partly it helps me focus and say all the things I need/want to say to God and partly it's for him to read when he gets older. I'm not saying this to boast or anything, but I just wanted to share with you part of the prayer I prayed on November 18th (consequently the last time I was able to write one down until today... did I mention that Jonah doesn't nap?).
(Keep in mind that Jonah had g-tube surgery scheduled for the very next Wednesday.)
I'm weary, God. Weary of struggling to feed him, of fighting him every day. I just want to be able to spend happy time with him. God, if you see fit and would allow it, can you intercede for us and make this tube unnecessary? I pray that he will eat like never before, God. Please hear me. Give us this miracle.
Jonah ate 32 ounces today, gushed about three, so still got around 29 ounces. He gained 12 ounces this past week. There is no g-tube anywhere in his immediate future.
And what do I say to God now? Thank you? Man, it just sounds so cheap. How do I thank him for keeping Jonah out of surgery, a 180 turn around as far as how and how much he's eating, and for this miraculous weight gain? How do I thank him for answering each and every one of my prayers above and beyond what I could have imagined? How do I tell him how much it meant to me that I just fed him and put him to bed without him uttering so much as a whimper? He took his bottle while awake, eagerly, and fell peacefully asleep while drinking. I was able to spend "happy time" with him. I enjoyed feeding my child and he enjoyed eating.
How can I ever say thank you enough?
Isn't it wonderful that we serve a God so full of grace and mercy that we don't ever have to (and can't ever) do anything enough? What a relief that I can say thank you and that it is enough. Not because of anything in me, but because of the grace He offers and the sacrifice he made through his Son so that I never have to be enough.
I'll never be able to say thank you enough. I'll never be grateful enough. I'll never be good enough.
Enter grace.
Now I don't have to be. Shwoo. What a load off.
Thank you, God.
